The Thursday Interview -- Another Conversation With Jo-Jo McSofty

Jo-Jo McSofty has become a familiar voice on Hardcore Fantasy Sports Blog. To the newbies out there, he represents the fantasy player who makes softcore fantasy decisions, leading invariably to fantasy futility.

Last week, when I asked Jo-Jo about his strategy for picking up free agents between games, he replied:

"I look at who did the best the previous game."

Gasp. [Pausing to catch my breath] That may work once in a while, but it's not a hardcore strategy. As I touched on in yesterday's blog, it's not an approach that guarantees a high probability of success.

Today we'll hear more from Jo-Jo, the guy we all root for, but someone we know will fail in the end:

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-- Why do you fail, Jo-Jo? --

Isn't that a rude question?


-- Rude because I'm right? Or rude because you're wrong? --

I think I deserve a 3rd option.

-- Next question: Why don't you succeed, Jo-Jo? --

I'm starting to get a headache.

-- Let me feel. [NOTE TO READERS: At this point, I place my hand on his forehead and confirm he has a fever] --

What were we talking about again?

-- Let's try a new question. You are perennially mediocre at running fantasy teams. Some years you have a great draft but a terrible regular season; other years you assemble a great team through free agent pick-ups but blow it on a desperate late-season trade. Why don't you ever win? --

That's easy: I get distracted.

-- Elaborate please. --

Well, for starters, my boss is keeping me at work 'til all hours . . . then there's my wife who's driving me up the wall, but I s'pose that's par for the course . . . and then the twins have to be bathed and put to bed . . . oh, and don't forget ol' Sparky, who needs a good 20-minute walk outside . . . and I'm always heading to Home Depot for some renovation projects that my wife . . .

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Once again, Jo-Jo demonstrates what it means to be softcore. Do we aspire to be like Jo-Jo? No. Then why do we allow ourselves to become Jo-Jo?

It's time for some tough love, people. Playing Fantasy Sports the hardcore way is not for everyone, including:

• The meek


• The lazy


• The masochistic


• The curious


• The vain


• The indecisive


• The easily distracted


• The lovingly married
  

The answer is clear: If you want to win, you're gonna have to make sacrifices. Fantasy Sports requires full-blooded commitment, not half-blooded resignation or quarter-blooded procrastination.

Now you're probably asking, "But Fantasy B.J., what have you sacrificed?"

What have I sacrified, you ask?

"Yes, that's what we're asking. Stop procrastinating."

I'll tell you what I've sacrificed. I've stood at the alter of my fantasy church and, with shaky voice and quivering lips, recited the holiest of vows:

"I, Fantasy B.J., take thee

Fantasy Sports, to be my

lover, and before fantasy

sports players and non-

fantasy sports players, I

promise to be a faithful and

true fantasy player."

That's what it takes, my friends. That, and sacrificing a lamb if you have one.

See ya tomorrow.